I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
