??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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