I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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