I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
