Porn is love you can see.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
