Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
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No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
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New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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