Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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