I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
