i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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