3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
