I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
