Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
