Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
