Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
