Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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