Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
