It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
