She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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