I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Found your dick twin last night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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