Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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