just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
