Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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