I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
