Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
