:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
