3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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