I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
