is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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