There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
