I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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