ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Randomize
