i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
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Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
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Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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