I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
