my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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