I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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