I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
