i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
