Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
