I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
