God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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