I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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