He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
