Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
