All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
