I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
