pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize