dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
