Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
