My liver just broke up with me...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
