I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Sober January is a disaster.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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