Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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