Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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