Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
