your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
