How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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