Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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