i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
