She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
