I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
