My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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