You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
