My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
