I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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