I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
