its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
