It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
