You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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