he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
