I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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