She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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