Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I love how my cats smell like pot.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
