Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
