I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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