Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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