we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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