OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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